Just as people get married for unhealthy reasons, there are healthy reasons to get married too. Ask yourself whether these are some of your main reasons for wanting to get married. If they are, your motives are on the right track. If they are not, I want you to make the needed adjustment in your mind, until you can honestly say that the reasons below are your core reasons for getting married too.
1. You are convinced it’s God’s will to get married soon
As a child of God, you are called to find out what His will is for your life and do it. Anything you do outside of God’s will is vanity and waste. So you must be persuaded that the marriage you are embarking upon is God’s perfect will for your life. If you are, you have a great reason to get married.
2. You’ve found the person you can love for the rest of your life
Marriage is a marathon, not a 100 metre sprint. In addition, divorce is not a pretty option for a serious child of God. So you must be committed for the long haul. You must believe that you have found your soul-mate and that no challenge thrown at you can dampen the love that God has given you for your partner. If this is what you believe, you have another good reason to walk down the aisle with your spouse.
3. You are ready to start (and take good care) of a family
Many couples turn to marriage because they believe that they are in love. But love alone does not make for a good marriage. Needs have to be met; responsibilities need to be shared; and progress needs to be made. So, if you don’t have a stable job to take care of the family needs (especially if you are a man); or you are ill-equipped to take care of the home (especially if you are a woman), your marriage can turn out to be a bed of thorns instead of a garden of roses. But if these issues are sorted in your heart, you have a fine reason to marry.
4. You are ready to meet your partner’s needs in sacrificial ways
We generally get married to meet a handful of our deepest felt needs: Needs for love, affection, sex, security, companionship, affirmation, etc. The number one reason for marital conflict is often a feeling of disappointment that those deep seated needs are not being met. The solution therefore should be obvious: Discover your partner’s deepest needs and commit yourself to meeting them in your marriage. Do that and your marriage will blossom and thrive.
5. You are willing to make adjustments for the sake of your spouse
Marriage works best when there is a willingness to change. Rigid and inflexible people don’t make good spouses. Two totally different people can only become one as they complement, adapt and adjust to each other. If you are ready to make some positive adjustments to accommodate your spouse’s uniqueness, you are ready to get married. If not, then you are not ready for marriage! Simple!
6. You are prepared to stretch and mature as a person
Marriage is like a top University; it will stretch and test you. Your relationship with your spouse would challenge your beliefs, try your patience, verify your commitment and test your love to the limit. But that’s all part of the beauty of a great marriage. If you don’t want to be tested, don’t go to a ‘top University’. If you are ready to be stretched, you are a candidate for marriage.
7. The Kingdom of God will benefit from your marriage
I always feel sad when very committed members of the local church lose their passion for God and for His Kingdom because they got married. The Bible teaches us that ‘two are better than one’. And, Solomon tells us why. He says, “…their labour would be more satisfying.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9.) Or, you could say that their combined effort should produce much more fruit than their individual effort. In other words, if you see your marriage as a tool to do more for God and not less, you have the right mindset to get married. And, God will bless your marriage too.
8. You are spiritually, emotionally and physically whole
Marriage is tough enough without having to cope with an insecure or dysfunctional spouse. Thus, a good time to tie the knot is when you’ve allowed God to straighten you out: when you’ve been through the fire and through the grinder; when you’ve mellowed because you’ve been humbled under the mighty hand of God; and when you’ve surrendered everything to Him. If that sounds like your life history, you are a candidate for marriage.
If you can confidently say ‘yes’ to six or seven of the reasons I have highlighted above, you are well on your way to becoming a splendid partner. If you can’t do so at the moment, I want to encourage you to make each point a prayer project. Take the issue to God daily (for a few weeks or months) until you sense that the change has taken place on the inside of you.
Finally, go over the healthy reasons again and promise yourself to always keep them in your heart and in your thoughts. People who have good reasons for doing whatever they do, often stick with it until it is done. People who don’t, don’t!
By Tony Peters
Extracts from Maximising Your Season of Singleness
1. You are convinced it’s God’s will to get married soon
As a child of God, you are called to find out what His will is for your life and do it. Anything you do outside of God’s will is vanity and waste. So you must be persuaded that the marriage you are embarking upon is God’s perfect will for your life. If you are, you have a great reason to get married.
2. You’ve found the person you can love for the rest of your life
Marriage is a marathon, not a 100 metre sprint. In addition, divorce is not a pretty option for a serious child of God. So you must be committed for the long haul. You must believe that you have found your soul-mate and that no challenge thrown at you can dampen the love that God has given you for your partner. If this is what you believe, you have another good reason to walk down the aisle with your spouse.
3. You are ready to start (and take good care) of a family
Many couples turn to marriage because they believe that they are in love. But love alone does not make for a good marriage. Needs have to be met; responsibilities need to be shared; and progress needs to be made. So, if you don’t have a stable job to take care of the family needs (especially if you are a man); or you are ill-equipped to take care of the home (especially if you are a woman), your marriage can turn out to be a bed of thorns instead of a garden of roses. But if these issues are sorted in your heart, you have a fine reason to marry.
4. You are ready to meet your partner’s needs in sacrificial ways
We generally get married to meet a handful of our deepest felt needs: Needs for love, affection, sex, security, companionship, affirmation, etc. The number one reason for marital conflict is often a feeling of disappointment that those deep seated needs are not being met. The solution therefore should be obvious: Discover your partner’s deepest needs and commit yourself to meeting them in your marriage. Do that and your marriage will blossom and thrive.
5. You are willing to make adjustments for the sake of your spouse
Marriage works best when there is a willingness to change. Rigid and inflexible people don’t make good spouses. Two totally different people can only become one as they complement, adapt and adjust to each other. If you are ready to make some positive adjustments to accommodate your spouse’s uniqueness, you are ready to get married. If not, then you are not ready for marriage! Simple!
6. You are prepared to stretch and mature as a person
Marriage is like a top University; it will stretch and test you. Your relationship with your spouse would challenge your beliefs, try your patience, verify your commitment and test your love to the limit. But that’s all part of the beauty of a great marriage. If you don’t want to be tested, don’t go to a ‘top University’. If you are ready to be stretched, you are a candidate for marriage.
7. The Kingdom of God will benefit from your marriage
I always feel sad when very committed members of the local church lose their passion for God and for His Kingdom because they got married. The Bible teaches us that ‘two are better than one’. And, Solomon tells us why. He says, “…their labour would be more satisfying.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9.) Or, you could say that their combined effort should produce much more fruit than their individual effort. In other words, if you see your marriage as a tool to do more for God and not less, you have the right mindset to get married. And, God will bless your marriage too.
8. You are spiritually, emotionally and physically whole
Marriage is tough enough without having to cope with an insecure or dysfunctional spouse. Thus, a good time to tie the knot is when you’ve allowed God to straighten you out: when you’ve been through the fire and through the grinder; when you’ve mellowed because you’ve been humbled under the mighty hand of God; and when you’ve surrendered everything to Him. If that sounds like your life history, you are a candidate for marriage.
If you can confidently say ‘yes’ to six or seven of the reasons I have highlighted above, you are well on your way to becoming a splendid partner. If you can’t do so at the moment, I want to encourage you to make each point a prayer project. Take the issue to God daily (for a few weeks or months) until you sense that the change has taken place on the inside of you.
Finally, go over the healthy reasons again and promise yourself to always keep them in your heart and in your thoughts. People who have good reasons for doing whatever they do, often stick with it until it is done. People who don’t, don’t!
By Tony Peters
Extracts from Maximising Your Season of Singleness
